“I have known grief before: I have lost dear family members, and I have experienced gut-hollowing relationship-breakdowns. Those losses have been terrible events, points of excruciating pain which must be endured and assimilated over time. But unless something goes wrong in that process, that grief can progress: it is, in many ways, clear and uncomplicated. But this grief, this other grief, has no event and no end”
Fertility Losses
Experiencing a miscarriage, a termination or fertility issues can be a very lonely experience for both women and men. It may mean the loss of a dream, coming to terms with a different vision of your future and feelings of blame and guilt. It is seen by many as a very solitary experience and often almost incomprehensible.
“We are mourning something intangible — what never was and what never will be. Because of this, it can also be difficult for others to grasp.”
Fertility losses are different for everyone; it’s a complex, unique and almost unidentifiable journey that can be difficult to comprehend and express. Yet, despite infertility and pregnancy loss being a common trauma, too often there is inadequate support and many couples are left to deal with their grief in silence. With no obvious loss to mourn, the outside world can often leave your grief invalidated or minimised in some way through lack of understanding or recognition.
“I have never known depression like the cloud that descends every time I lose a baby. I can compare it with the death of a close friend and I can honestly say that it's worse…
“When a friend dies, you can seek solace in the company of other mourners. Miscarriage, by contrast is an entirely private grief. There's me and my partner, and he's generally so intent on protecting and comforting me that it's hard for him to make space for his emotions.”
How NNFP can help…
Whilst grief may be universal, there is no wrong or right way to grieve fertility losses and of course no instant fix. As part of NNFP family we have a range of tools that we use to help you to navigate this difficult journey. Grief may be an inevitable part of life but we can help you to process it, in a way that is right for you; helping you to cope with the pain and sadness and allowing you to move forward in a positive way.
Visualisations and grief ceremonies
One of the ways in which we can help can be through a combination of massage and guided visualisation to help release emotional stress and trauma. This can be useful in freeing negative feelings and emotional blockages to allow you to move forward with your fertility treatment.
Another option is a Grief Ceremony. Engaging in a ritual such as this can help with the processing of grief in a safe and constructive way. Whilst not right for everyone, these tools can be very helpful in allowing you to find a sense of closure.
Other support and advice: